Incase you’re not sure, sponsoring a vegan involves finding a vegan – or vegetarian – buddy, and then eating three times as much meat as you normally would to make up for their not eating meat.  Why?  Any number of reasons!  My favorite is sponsoring a vegan simply to piss them off.  (And force them into a situation where they either eat meat, or more meat is consumed than if they were to have ate meat!  That’s fun.  Mostly because watching vegans scramble up on their moral high chair and start throwing tofu-cking insanity your way is more fun than making out with your third cousin at a family picnic.  God I love indignation!) 

I suppose I should clarify, I don’t actually hate vegans… I hate vegans who talk about being vegan, and turn veganism into a religion, preaching its “virtues” at every given opportunity.  They’re like Mormons with bad skin in that regard.  Mormons don’t shut up about loving the Lord and get off by shoving Jesus Christ down your throat; vegans don’t shut up about loving animals and get off by shoving the horrors of the meat industry down your throat.  Don’t even get me started on the pious PETA pricks, or the assholes who call tofurkey “yummy”.   Gobble gobble.

Imma inhale some hickory smoked BBQ in honor of PETA, and then touch myself with leather racing gloves while watching footage of Ringling Brothers.  Yeah…

P.S. If you’re ever in Lockhart, TX, visit Black’s BBQ.